Constant Reminder
by Seeress
Summary: [Xmas fic] Heero ponders over the resemblance between Mariemaia and the girl he killed years before on Christmas Eve. HeeroMariemaia interaction.


Constant Reminder

_Disclaimer:_ This is a purely non-profit story written for entertainment purposes only. Characters of Gundam Wing are the property of their respective owners.

_Author's Notes:_ My attempt at a Christmas fic. Just sort of random, with some interaction between Heero and Mariemaia. I think there aren't nearly enough fics challenging the connection between them. It could just be me, but I think Mariemaia sort of looks like the girl Heero killed those years before. So to me, it's kind of ironic. This story was a figment of my imagination along with Christmas cheer.

Happy holidays, everyone!

~Seeress

**~*~*~*~**

Constant Reminder

He often wondered what his life would be like had he not still been human enough to make a mistake that had killed that little girl.

Nearly a year had passed since Mariemaia's attempt to take over the world. Time had flown by so quickly that he barely noticed it. The only thing that reminded him were the cheerful Christmas lights and constant sound of carols being sung, and the smiles that were apparent on almost every face. He casually bothered to check his watch; the date blaring back at him read December 24th. So it was Christmas Eve; no wonder no one was around.

As he passed a large public screen he remembered the image of Mariemaia's face there, handing out an ultimatum. The same thought that had struck him a year earlier came back to him again: why was it that this girl, who had been so intent on destroying him, looked exactly like the little girl he had killed years before?

It was the reason why he had hesitated before pulling the trigger that fateful night. He knew that Relena would be safe, but the idea of shooting her down again almost undid him. He could almost feel the lifeless puppy in his arms again, the warmth leaving it, its body limp in death. It was as if Wing Zero sensed his pain; it allowed him three shots, the chance to achieve his goal, but the Gundam had fallen to pieces after he had broken through the gate. It was like an outer semblance of his inner turmoil.

It had disturbed him for many a night. She was a constant reminder of his sins, of all the things he had tried to forget. He hated admitting it, even to himself, but that girl's death had probably saved his life. It was the only thing that made the years after, the training and desensitization, seem distant and unimportant. It was the only thing that kept him human. In a strange, roundabout way, his life belonged to her.

He was surprised to find that he had wandered to the place where Treize was buried. As he silently trod up the hill, he heard a soft voice speaking quietly, not unlike *her* voice had been. As he drew nearer, he could identify the voice with a name. He stiffened reflexively: Mariemaia.

He had decided that it would be best for him to leave, but somehow he was drawn to the young honey voice that forever haunted his dreams.

_"Are you lost?"_

He stood in the shadows as he watched Mariemaia at her father's grave. She spoke many a thing to him, and he found himself wondering that if *she* had been Mariemaia's age, would she be thinking the same thoughts? It was ironic to him that Mariemaia would be the reason that he was still alive. As he watched, she produced a small bouquet of delicate yellow flowers and put them at the base of the tombstone. At the sight of them, he let out an involuntary gasp.

They were the same. It was the same flower that *she* had given him before she died.

Mariemaia's voice startled him out of his recollection.

"You can come out, Heero. I know you've been there for a while."

Somewhat startled and reprimanding himself for losing his self-control, he walked silently out and stood in the light.

"Merry Christmas," she said lightly, as if she had been saying it to him every day of her life.

**~*~*~*~**

They sat and watched the stars for a long time, neither saying a word to the other. Finally, when spots were dancing in front of her eyes, she decided to start up conversation with her silent companion.

"Do you think I'm a monster, Heero?"

Cool cobalt eyes turned to meet her gaze. "No."

"Then why do you flinch every time you see me?"

She saw him visibly stiffen, but relax as soon as it happened, as if not wanting her to see his tenseness. After a while, he answered her question.

"You remind of… someone, that I used to know."

She knew that there was much more behind it than that, but she also knew that Heero had opened up to her a lot, letting her in this far. She decided not to push the issue.

"Everyone's been looking for you, you know." She felt, rather than saw, him close himself off once again. "They're all worried."

He didn't reply, and she was content to let him be until another question came to her mind.

"Heero?" she asked, looking up at the stars once again.

"Hn?"

"Do you believe in destiny?"

Silence engulfed them as everything seemed to still. There was no sound of anything except the quiet rustle of the wind through the trees, and for a time she thought Heero would not answer.

"Yes," he replied finally. "You remind me of it every day."

"Do you hate me for it?"

"No."

"But it pains you, doesn't it? I'm sorry about that."

"It wasn't something you could control," he stated, not knowing why he was telling so much to this strange girl.

"But she wouldn't want you to be sad."

Their gazes met again, and a wry smile played faintly on her lips. She turned her eyes back up to the stars.

"Can't you see, Heero? Those sparkles in the sky… those are her tears."

Not knowing what to say, he merely studied her profile while she admired the beauty above them. There was a similarity, yes, but now that he had a closer look, it wasn't quite as profound as he thought. Still… it was definitely the most impacting coincidence of his life. And it certainly gave him something to think about.

Mariemaia only looked up as she saw Heero getting to his feet. She looked at him inquiringly, but he offered her no explanation except a hint of a smile.

"Merry Christmas, Mariemaia."

**~*~*~*~**

When she awoke the next morning, she found a small bouquet of yellow flowers on her bedside table along with a card in the shape of a star.

_To Mariemaia,_

_A shining star._

In another place, a dark and silent man sat quietly on a bench, silhouetted against the rising sun. He held a thin, leather-bound book in his hands, and he appeared to be tracing the words on the page with his fingers. The horizon behind him was bathed a glorious blood red, tinting the clouds and stretching as far as the eyes could see. There were no words; the page was blank.

There was only a single yellow flower placed tenderly in the centre of the sheet. It was withered with age, but perfectly preserved and creased as if it were the most important thing in the world. 

It served as a reminder.

A constant reminder that his life was in the hands of someone else.

END 


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